Sunday, April 18, 2010

Take Me Haiyya!

Some days back a friend and I were out for a walk. Some time later we were ambushed by two chubby eight year olds who politely asked if they could join us for a walk. "Aww!wannabes!" we thought and allowed them , equally politely, to accompany us. Possibly ten minutes into the "walk" we started to regret the benevolence we had shown as the girls went chattering about all the trials and tribulations of junior school. And of course, the greatest of these trials were BOYS! The kids went on and yawn about how the boys were rude and smelly and rowdy. We more or less blocked our ears against their voices until we realized a change in their tone. One of them completed the sentence with "and then he said the F-Word!". My friend and I exchanged scandalized glances. Surely they could not have meant THE F-Word! WE didn't know the F-Word till we were 13(at least!)! I asked the kid how she reacted to such behavior. "I hit 'em" she answered straight back and proud!

No, I am in no way claiming young boys are slimy slugs who need to be busted, nor am I advocating violence. I am merely pointing out the kind of world kids these days are living in. And from that comes the point of this post- the importance of self defense.

The age eight was important for me. I was eight, travelling with my mother in a packed public bus. There was no place to sit and we were sort of wedged. That is when a man behind me chose to feel up my vagina. I was eight, and I had no idea what to do and how to react. I was eight, when I first knew there was a part of me that felt good when touched. I was eight, and I did NOT like it. Of course, I didn't tell my mother. I felt too scared and confused. I just cried a little when I got back home.

Years later while talking about it to my friends in college, I discovered that we had all had such an incident, in fact, many such incidents, in our lives. I had often scoffed at some of my friends who have traveled all their lives in air conditioned private cars and  never known the hazards to be faced in the "real" world! I felt sadly blessed that I was, if nothing else, better equipped to face perverts than they were. I am not over rating myself. Men who feel lucky can't get away so easily with me now! I would shout, or pinch, or kick or something make sure they get what they deserve. Nevertheless I wish I did not have to have so many experiences to end up street smart!

The case need not be so with kids of today.They are much more worldly wise. They talk and hear of things we weren't exposed to till our late teenage years. They also possibly face a lot more harassment than we did. Or maybe it seems that way because the harassment actually is brought out in the open these days! So I have a MAJOR request to the parents- I know you want to keep your child's innocence intact.But please face facts here, the world is NOT the greatest place right now. Anything that your child does not know is ignorance rather than innocence. Talk to them about things that can happen to them and how they should deal with it. and please, NEVER EVER EVER make them feel as though it was their fault. there is nothing thaht can break a child's heart and faith more! And no matter how much they scream shout and protest, enroll them into karate classes. ASAP.

For us "fortunate" ones who escaped breaking bricks with our heads, here's a link I found extremely useful!-


Uncommon Sense said...

i once had this gay guy stalking me.. lol.. it was when i didnt knew gay guys existed..

Akhil Handoo said...

kool post.
keep em coming.

Becca said...

Hey, Thanks for the comment.

Yeah, we are working hard and forward in our Gay right movement. We basically can get everything but legalize marriage in most states.

Other's are still too old fashion to realize that LOVE IS LOVE and that another person's personal business shouldn't have to be nation news!

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the eight year olds.....boys are definately smelly.

Anonymous said...

Lucy, I'm proud to be a man so I can be a wonderful husband to my beautiful wife and I'm also proud to be a man so that I can be a strong father figure to my son and wonderful daughter. But I'm ashamed to be a man when I read and hear accounts like yours and others. If I could give you a hug to make things better I would, but we're too far apart. You're very strong to share this with others. Lots of hugs. Mart.

Nezzy said...

I hate that your little girl self had this negative experience, especially at the young age of eight. You must have been so scared and confused. Yes, it is so very important to teach our children the danger zones.

God bless you and you have a beautifully blessed day!!!

Lucy Fur said...

@Uncommon-haha...that is scarily funny!

@Akhil- thanks, I will:)

@Becca- I completely agree.:)...I ll continue reading your blog

@Amber-psst- i agree too!:D...there was a poem when we were kids!it went,

what are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and everything nice,
Thats what little girls are made of!

What are little boys made of?
Snakes and snails and puppy dogs tails,
Thats what little boys are made of!*hyuk*

@Mart-never EVER be ashamed of being a man!I don't know how many posts I have written saying these scumbags do NOT become a judgement on the rest of mankind. Though yes, they make us wary. virtual hugs right back atcha!:)

@Nezzy-It was. But it made a Haiyya girl out of me:D...thank you for the love<3

Mrinal Choudhary said... article..but just out of curiousity..u dont intend that small girls to show their karate moves on those big smelly strangers,do you??..if I was a parent,I would ask them to run for their lives,not stand there and show their karate moves..

Lucy Fur said...

hahaha Mrinal...cosider a situation-a man comes and grips a little girl from behind.her FIRST step would be to get out of the grip and THEN escape.this is going to be difficult if she does not know exactly where to hit the big bad man so she can run.can you understand now?

Anonymous said...

Serious post....
Really making me worried


Lucy Fur said...

Why does it worry you Sourav?:)

Anonymous said...

Hi Lucy Fur,
I wanted to say that days have changed from previously it was before. I have read your all posts and some of the posts were really horrific specially that of the Japanese girl though it happened 20 yrs ago. The good things we see like shopping malls, IT hubs - these are only a small part of Indian society.
Keep it up.
God bless you jodio ami bhabi bhogoban ki sotti achen.

Sourav Sen

Lucy Fur said...

Hi Sourav!

Thanks for sharing the love and blessings.:)

It is a cruel world.But faith is one of the things keeping us going.:)

girlsguidetosurvival said...

In a culture where children do not even know the names of their intimate body parts in their native tongue shame and guilt will cloud their naming the unnamed. I guess you did not report that incident to your parents because you did not even know how to word it.

Shreya, there is no doubt early age appropriate sex education is the need of the hour but how. All experts in India are telling parents shoulddo this or that but none is telling how? How should parents initiate a dialogue, what should be the content of conversation. How should it be even worded.

Most of all what you are doing is great. We ought to break the silence that keeps us ignorant and isolated. Isolation is the weapon patriarchy uses to opress women.


Desi Girl